Diving for Pearls with Maggie Kay
Every Pearl Is Perfect
A Cornishman with Attitude
The extraordinary thing about connecting with Pat is that he was nothing like anyone I had been hanging out with in decades. For a start, his favorite place to socialize was the pub – something that was completely alien to me being a teetotaling ordained Buddhist. It wasn’t just the drinking that made us an unlikely couple, however; it was also his smoking, meat eating and TV watching.
Much as I had been massively sensitized to avoid all that, in fact I’d taken vows against most of it and would normally find those behaviors off-putting, in Pat’s case I didn’t seem to notice. This is a bit of an odd phenomenon to describe, but I guess it was a matter of connecting with Pat’s true being so profoundly and finding him so alluring at that deep level that those relatively superficial things just didn’t register.
In fact I have now come to recognize that these differences between us have been part of the magic of our relationship and one of my greatest lessons. Falling in love with a man who, in spiritual circles, is considered to behave so ‘blasphemously’ has been an excellent antidote to any spiritual preciousness I was carrying. It helped me drop any hoity-toity idea of what is proper and ‘spiritual’ – the right thing to eat, the right thing to wear, the right thing to say – and recognize that true spirituality comes in many guises.
So how come I found this beer swilling, cigarette puffing, TV watching Cornishman so compelling? The truth is, Pat is one of the most profoundly spiritually evolved people I have ever known, and I must have intuitively sensed that right away, despite appearances.
He is a trickster, a holy fool, often misunderstood and misjudged, but those who see and love him, really see and love something extraordinary. For a start, although he can appear fierce, impatient and provocative (a redheaded, Aries/Dragonborn, Cornishman with attitude), Pat loves powerfully and unconditionally and carries no judgment of others. His challenges are a form of play and a call for whoever he is talking with to wake up to themselves. Most unusually, however, he is not doing it for any personal gratification – to score a point or make him feel good – and is not attached to any particular outcome. In fact, most often his playful prods are involuntary, a kind of automatic truth-seeking reflex. He calls it his curse, but of course it is his gift too.
True Love Cuts Deep
Finding the right partner is a priority among many of my coaching clients. I have had the great joy of assisting many through to that magical moment of meeting someone amazing; the ‘wow’ moment when all the soul work pays off. I have also had the fulfillment of then supporting the same person navigating the deepening waters of relationship once it is established (sometimes coaching the couple together).
The job is not done when we finally meet our match. Not surprisingly, whatever personal issues we each carry about relationship reemerge big time once the relationship is under way. It is all there to be made conscious and explored and resolved should we choose to, and actually, being with someone throws it all up into stark, potent reality.
There is something about a sexual love relationship that touches us more deeply than anything else. It stirs up our deepest and darkest as well as our most brilliant and best. This is something I was reassuring a newly lovesick client about. “A fine mess you’ve got me into, Stanley” she titled her e-mail. “Help, I can’t eat, work, sleep!” she exclaimed. Of course, I hadn’t got her into anything. She had called it all up herself, and after three months of diligent intention and attention, had manifested the most incredible match imaginable. She found ‘Him’! This is a person with so much sorted, so much going for her. Yet, she has only just opened a door to a whole new rich and vulnerable dimension of herself by finally opening to deep relationship.
This is something I can relate to. Before meeting Pat, I had spent the best part of 20 years living semi-monastically in a Buddhist community. Our romantic relationships were conducted peripherally and we were encouraged to live and work independently in order to dedicate ourselves to our spiritual practice.
Deep down I intuitively knew that my greatest spiritual growth opportunity was destined to come from entering deeply into a loving partnership with a man. And I was right. What was in store for me upon meeting Pat was a spiritual revolution. It also prompted the discovery of my true vocation in Thrivecraft, and has been a most fruitful and creative time of my life.
You Know Best
You know best. You do! It was only once I started learning from this wonderful, maverick, not-what-you-expect-from-a-spiritual guy ‘Holy Cornishman’ that I started to really take this in for myself that I know best. That and the fact that I am ‘good enough’ just the way I am!
Maybe you have been inspired by spiritual growth, self-help and personal development for some time, perhaps you are even a coach, counselor, teacher or caring professional yourself. You have a pile of books that have guided you to meet the right partner, practice meditation and attract abundance. You have attended workshops, watched videos, taken online courses and gained qualifications. You have put some amazing things into place in your life and connected with some lovely like-minded people along the way.
And it has been great. Fantastic stuff, life is so much better for it. However, there is still a nagging feeling that you could do better, that you are not good enough or doing it right. Maybe you are not practicing your meditation often enough, or earning enough money from your coaching practice, or managing to stick to those healthy foods that you know do you so much good. And even though you are well versed in the principle that love triumphs fear – and so should know better – you are still not free of those low-level, creeping doubts, worries and fears.
Believe me, you are not alone. I know thousands of people just like you who share this paradox – terrific, inspiring, positive people who are doing fantastic things in their professional and personal lives, but still give themselves a hard time – myself included very occasionally. I was pondering this phenomenon when I suddenly got it. We believe that we are supposed to learn lessons and continually ‘improve’ ourselves, when actually, we don’t need to work at changing a thing. Not really, at least, not with that attitude. It is far more important that we realize that we are already perfect, just the way we are.
Perfect Just the Way You Are
But aren’t we supposed to be ridding ourselves of ego, healing our inner child and forgiving those who have wronged us? Our books and teachings are full of instructions on the art of waking up, healing wounds, letting go and moving on. And the whole coaching model is about getting from where you are now to where you want to be.
However, if you look deeply into the spiritual essence of any edict that really works, you will see there is only one true starting point – LOVE YOURSELF JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. It is in accepting yourself just the way you are, first and foremost, that real and lasting positive change is catalyzed. That is the transformational power of love. This is changeless change – or at least, effortless, graceful, natural change.
When I first met Pat, he shared with me the story of a profound experience he’d had in meditation. He was taken on a visionary journey by an angelic figure that showed him a scene where nearly everyone on earth was “walking away from themselves”.
Ironically, the people who were walking away from themselves the most were the strivers and spiritual seekers. In their earnest and often self-critical drive to reach greater consciousness, they were the very ones who were estranging themselves the most from their true nature.
The paradoxical thing is that, ultimately, there is nowhere to go and nothing to change! There are many tales of enlightened saints who, when they awaken, simply laugh and laugh and laugh. Perfection was right there in front of their noses all along.
Everything is perfect! They are perfect! The world is perfect!
Every Pearl Is Perfect
Known as the Inner Wisdom Coach and formerly an ordained Buddhist, Maggie specialises in meditation, mindfulness, law of attraction, metaphysics and spiritual intelligence for life, love and business.
As well as coaching one-to-one, she trains accredited Thrivecraft life coaches and meditation teachers and runs retreats and workshops for soulful entrepreneurs, coaches and well being professionals.
In 2016, with her son Jamie grown up, Maggie established Thrivecraft Home Hub, a riverside country retreat in Cornwall, UK, where she lives with her soul mate husband, Patrick.
Her new book – Diving for Pearls: A Wise Woman's Guide to Finding Love (O Books) – is a highly readable true love and spiritual adventure story laced with tips and teachings on meditation, Buddhism, inner wisdom and relationships relevant to all.
Maggie's vision for the future includes taking Thrivecraft worldwide via a new online academy; continuing to mentor coaches, well-being professionals and meditation teachers to grow and prosper their businesses; producing audios of her full range of guided meditations; and writing further books to inspire and support everyone to create rich, happy and fulfilling lives.
Buy Diving for Pearls on Amazon.
Thrivecraft with Maggie Kay
Wisdom. Inspiration. Self-belief.