Diving for Pearls with Maggie Kay
Get Ready for Love Wisdom
Here is my step-by-step guide to finding and attracting your ideal partner into your life. This program has been successfully followed by many of my coaching clients and Get Ready for Love workshop participants.
Step 1 – Relationship Appraisal
Spend some quiet time contemplating what you think and feel about the five questions below. Write down your responses briefly and immediately. Write for yourself, uninhibitedly – you do not have to share this with anyone.
Love, sex and relationship appraisal
- a) Who or what is important to you when you consider this area of your life?
- b) In what ways are your needs met or not met in this area?
- c) How much time per week do you spend on this area of your life?
- d) How would you rate this area of your life on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 ideal)?
- e) Do you have future aims in this area? If so, what are they?
Sketch out a map of your relationship history with dates and significant events, moves, changes etc. This can just be a list with dates along the side, or if you are moved to write a fuller history, that would be fine.
Step 2 – Ideal Partner Visioning
Somewhere inside we know what kind of relationship or life partner we long for. We have flickers of an ideal that are almost too painfully absent to contemplate. So we don’t. We don’t think it’s possible or that we’re good enough for such things. So we shelve our fantasy fragments and settle for less, never believing it could be much different.
But in doing so, we may be missing an opportunity. Our natural ability to imagine and fantasize gives us the potential to make great things happen. Imagination leads the way in how we create our life. Where else does a work of art or a feat of engineering begin but in our imagination? If we can’t even imagine where we want to go, we go nowhere, or get blindly swept up with someone else’s ideas. Worse still, we drift into a painful netherworld based on our unconscious negative beliefs and imaginings.
To harness the positive creative power of our imagination, we need to be aware of our beliefs about our self and the world. Our beliefs are only ideas picked up and reinforced throughout our lives, a pattern of thinking that helps us feel comfortable. Beliefs have no real substance and yet they strongly influence the creation of our reality. That is why it is possible to suspend our habitual beliefs and reach somewhere else in our imagination. We can loosen our beliefs about what is possible, and strengthen our positive tone. It is excellent practice to give our beliefs a good stretch every now and then. We can play with them, see them for what they are, show them who is boss.
The Ideal Relationship Visioning exercise uses these principles. It is a chance to play at stretching our ideas about how our life could be towards something utterly amazing. We suspend disbelief and allow ourselves to reach way into perfection. It doesn’t matter if we don’t think we can ever achieve this kind of partnership. In the process of the exercise we free ourselves up and reveal what really moves us.
We will deal with how we make things real later. For now, forget the how and shoot for the stars. Have a go… Take a leap of imagination into a life with a romantic partnership that is totally wonderful and ideal for you. What would your life together be like if everything about your relationship was totally fantastic and in line with your deepest values?
In this scenario, you cannot fail; you have everything you could possibly hope for. Let rip. Let your soul sing. It is so exhilarating to just give yourself permission, to have a real stretch. This is about what you would love to be true, not what you believe is achievable. Suspend all ideas about what is possible and go for it.
Describe your ideal relationship life vividly using all your senses. How would the world seem in the midst of this great love? How would you, your partner and the environment you are in look, smell, taste and feel? Make it as luscious and colorful and as over the top as you like.
Use entirely positive language – describe what you want, not what you don’t want. For example, you may want your partner to “only have eyes for me, making me feel like the most beautiful and desirable woman in the world” (rather than stating that he doesn’t have a roving eye for other women).
If you don’t know the exact form of what you want – e.g. how your love would look – describe the essence instead. For example, describe how you are totally attracted to your partner and love every physical attribute they have. On the other hand, if you do have a strong preference – e.g. for a dark haired partner – feel free to state that clearly.
You may discover that you want things from an ideal partner that seem contradictory. For example, you may want to feel very secure and wanted, and at the same have the space to be free and independent. Perhaps in your experience so far you have only had relationships where your partner was either: a) doting and attentive but cramped your style; b) gave you plenty of space but didn’t seem to put you at the center of his life enough. In this visioning, make sure you have your ‘cake and eat it’, even if you can’t imagine how it could be because you’ve never experienced both those qualities simultaneously before. Write in the present tense as though it is all actually happening now, e.g. “I wake in the morning next to my beloved soulmate…” Create a reality and step inside it.
Some questions to consider:
- a) What kind of relationship would you have? What interests would you share? How would you be spending your time together and apart? Where would you be? How would you live? Who else, if any, would be around you? How would you express yourself and communicate with each other?
- b) Can you make your daydream bigger and better? Be bold.
- c) What is your ideal partner like? What are they interested in? How do they spend their time? What are they like physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually? If you don’t know clearly, describe the qualities of this person and what it is like being around these qualities. Don’t be shy about your tastes and desires and secret hopes – this is your dream, you can have whatever you like.
- d) How do you feel about each other? How do you feel being with this special person? How do they regard you, and how do they express this?
A bit stuck?
Try creating a picture or collage of your ideal partner/ partnership. Use big paper, words, color, cut up magazines, anything that inspires you. If you have a lot of resistance, objections and cynical comments in your head, write them down. Leave them aside to deal with later. If they persist, turn the negative objections upside down into positive affirmations and write them out, e.g. “I’ll never find the man of my dreams” becomes “I am delighted at how easily I have found my perfect match.”
If a lot of unresolved feelings come to the surface during this part of the exercise, you may wish to seek some extra support from a counselor or therapist, or try some self-help like EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).
Step 3 – Practical Steps
Bringing your dream to earth
Now it is time to look again at the changes you would love to manifest in your life and hatch practical plans, ideas and strategies to help make it happen. Remember this is a process, with immediate, intermediate, and long-term steps and events that you can manage one at a time.
Plans work best when you keep the language positive (i.e. describing what you want, not what you don’t want).
Plans also work best when they are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Rewarded, and Time-framed. Stay bold and optimistic, but be realistic and practical.
Be specific and detailed
Drawing from your visioning, begin by defining what you really want in each area of your life (i.e. in day-to-day reality). When would you like this to happen by? What needs to occur before it could happen? What actions can you take? Answer these questions:
Exactly what do you want?
When do you want to achieve it by?
How will you achieve it? Think of as many options as you can.
How long will this take?
What steps can you take along the way?
Recognize and reward your progress
What rewards and encouragement will you give yourself as you achieve each step?
How will you recognize that you have achieved each step and made the changes? Imagine how things will look, feel and sound.
Support your changes
Ask yourself who or what will support you while you go through this process. Do you need to ask family or friends for support (time, understanding, space)? Do you need some other resources like a book or a club or some specific information? Make a clear list of these and note beside each how and when you will set this support up.
Plan on paper
Think of the steps you are taking and make a vision map.
Plot ‘now’ on the left and a time (e.g. May – single) and goal to aim towards (e.g. September – in a relationship) on the right.
Draw a circle around each of them.
Draw a number of circles leading from left to right, filling the page, like a spread of stepping stones across a river.
In the middle of the circles, write in the steps, activities and events that need to happen from left to right based on all the ideas you have generated above. (To the left, write in the earlier steps that need to happen first, and to the right, the later steps.) This gives you a visual map of the stepping stones from where you are now to where you want to be.
Writing up and reinforcing your plan
Finally, rewrite your ideas towards your aspiration (including all the details you’ve generated) using the present tense, i.e. as though it is really happening. The present tense speaks to your unconscious mind. To reinforce your aspirations in your conscious mind, practice reading through your write-up once a day.
An example “I have established my ideal love partnership by September. I achieved this by having some relationship coaching in April and May. This resourced me to review my aims, envision my ideal partnership, learn techniques and make clear plans which I successfully followed throughout the summer. It felt great to be confident and inspired.
Having practiced the Ah/Om manifestation meditation for 10 minutes every morning and evening from June, I felt galvanized to pursue online dating and other ‘meet my partner’ ideas. When I made my first date, I rewarded my boldness by buying a new outfit and felt great. After meeting a few people, I quickly and easily met someone very special. Taking things at a pace I felt comfortable with and supported by reporting back to my best friend over coffee every week, I got to know my new date and discovered we were an ideal match. I was reassured to know I could melt away concerns or worries about being with a partner again with EFT tapping.
In August we decided to go on holiday together in September. It was a dream come true, and such a reward for my trust and willingness to open to relationship again.”
Step 4 – Appreciating Yourself
It is so important to remember what we have to give in relationship, as well as what we want. Sometimes we can become so fixed on our ideal partner ‘shopping list’ that we forget about what qualities we offer. In fact, we rarely appreciate ourselves and our gifts enough. This simple exercise remedies that, putting us in the energy of giving rather than wanting – which is hugely more attractive and magnetic to potential new partners.
50 Reasons Why I Make a Wonderful Partner
Write a list of AT LEAST 50 reasons why you make a wonderful partner. List all your qualities, interests, abilities in relationships – however big or small – the things that make you YOU. For example:
I am affectionate
I am a great cook
I love dogs
I am emotionally intelligent
Step 5 – Create a Love Altar
Find a place in your home where you can create a love altar, in a corner of your bedroom or on a table in the conservatory (sunroom), for example. Gather a few objects or images that inspire you about love and place them together and perhaps add a candle or some flowers. Put your Ideal Relationship Visioning and your other writing, reflections and drawings on the altar so you can easily look at them and read them.
Spend a few minutes every day sitting by your love altar, rereading your ideal visioning and reaffirming your intentions for a wonderful relationship to come into your life. You can also practice the following manifestation meditation by your love altar.
Step Six – Manifestation Magic
Ah Om Manifestation Meditation
The Ah and Om manifestation meditation is a powerful manifestation practice that spiritual teacher Dr. Wayne W. Dyer taught widely in the 1990s (having been requested to do so by the meditation’s channel, Indian sage, Dr. Pillai). The meditation is used to open up and energize the metaphysical power of asking for and receiving that which we wish to draw into our life.
The meditation combines the power of the mind, the body and the voice into a singular, intentional energy. We ‘put out’ this energy, and then we let go and allow ourselves to receive. It can be used to draw to us physical things (like cars, houses), positive relationships, states of emotional and mental well-being, as well as health, money, clients and jobs. It is very powerful and effective for manifesting ideal love relationships.
We can choose to energize the same request over and over again each time we do the meditation, or we can change our request each time we do it as appropriate. For the purpose of manifesting your ideal partner, focus on this subject daily for the best results. (This is what Pat did for a few months before he met me.)
The meditation can be done collectively as well as on our own. It is very powerful to join with others on a collective purpose using this meditation, or done collectively even if everyone is focusing on individual and different desired outcomes. It is a short (20 minutes x 2) and powerful practice that can be done as part of a daily routine, and/or employed for specific projects. It can also be done to open and close group meetings and ceremonies.
The Ah part of the meditation is best done earlier, e.g. first thing in the morning, and the OM part later, e.g. last thing in the evening. Both parts are important, the asking and the receiving. The Ah is a ‘seed’ sound syllable that represents the out breath – birth, life, bliss, and awakening. It sends energy out to the universe. The Om is a ‘seed’ sound syllable that represents the in breath – receptivity, gratitude and surrender. It receives energy from the universe.
How to practice:
- First choose one thing to focus on – e.g. the desire to find and share life with your ideal love match.
- Being as specific as you can, turn this need or desire into a positive affirmation, asserting that you already have this thing – e.g. I share my life with the most beautiful and perfect soul-mate life partner.
- Repeat this silently in your mind, over and over again – e.g. “I have a beautiful, perfect partner,” “I have a beautiful, perfect partner.” Imagine scenarios of your life together and live out all the good feelings you have sharing your life and dreams with your ideal partner.
- Think of/visualize/feel/get a sense of the energy in your base chakra (at the genital area or perineum). Imagine drawing up this energy, up through your sacral chakra (below the belly button), up through your solar plexus chakra, up through your heart chakra, up through your throat chakra, and up to your third eye chakra (in the middle of the forehead just above the eyes).
- Imagine the energy you are drawing up from your base chakra and through the other chakras is streaming out of your third eye chakra. It streams out of the third eye chakra, out into the universe, powerfully and unreservedly. All your body energy is streaming up and out of this chakra, the visioning chakra. It rolls on and on endlessly.
- Keep mentally reciting the affirmation. At the same time, keep rolling the energy up through your chakras and out through the third eye chakra. Now add the third element, your voice chanting ‘Ah’.
- Chant the syllable ‘Ah’ out loud with the out breath. Pause during the in breath, then chant ‘Ah’ again at the same pitch. Keep repeating the ‘Ah’ with the out breath. Keep the chanting going for 20 minutes, allowing the voice to come and go in force as feels appropriate. Keep reciting the affirmation and gushing out the energy from the chakras as you do so.
- Later on, perhaps at the other end of the day before bed, sit down quietly again. Remember what you chanted Ah for earlier, your 100% intention. Allow yourself to soften and feel receptive to whatever good may come your way.
- Now chant ‘Om’ for 20 minutes with the out breath. As you chant, let go of all attachment, all ‘must have’, in relation to what you chanted Ah for. Completely surrender to trusting that whatever will be will be. This is your 100% surrender.
- Instead, as you continue to chant Om, focus on all the blessings you already have in your life, however big or small. Allow yourself to feel appreciation for all you already have – especially all the love and good relationships you already have. This cultivates a state of ‘havingness’ which makes you magnetic to having and receiving even more.
Known as the Inner Wisdom Coach and formerly an ordained Buddhist, Maggie specialises in meditation, mindfulness, law of attraction, metaphysics and spiritual intelligence for life, love and business.
As well as coaching one-to-one, she trains accredited Thrivecraft life coaches and meditation teachers and runs retreats and workshops for soulful entrepreneurs, coaches and well being professionals.
In 2016, with her son Jamie grown up, Maggie established Thrivecraft Home Hub, a riverside country retreat in Cornwall, UK, where she lives with her soul mate husband, Patrick.
Her new book – Diving for Pearls: A Wise Woman's Guide to Finding Love (O Books) – is a highly readable true love and spiritual adventure story laced with tips and teachings on meditation, Buddhism, inner wisdom and relationships relevant to all.
Maggie's vision for the future includes taking Thrivecraft worldwide via a new online academy; continuing to mentor coaches, well-being professionals and meditation teachers to grow and prosper their businesses; producing audios of her full range of guided meditations; and writing further books to inspire and support everyone to create rich, happy and fulfilling lives.
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Thrivecraft with Maggie Kay
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