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Posted by on 5 Jul 2018 | 0 comments

Diving for Pearls with Maggie Kay

Meeting My Match

At first I didn’t realize I had met him. As far as I was concerned, this ‘Pat’ guy was just a housemate of a friend I had gotten to know at Jamie’s school. Ann and I used to hang out at each other’s houses while our boys played together. So my first few meetings with Pat were incidental – brief interactions during a flurry of noisy, stampeding boys needing after school snacks. I was in ‘mum mode’ and, anyway, I had a background distraction still rolling with one man or another I was half involved with. I wasn’t paying attention where it was due. It took me a further couple of months to wake up. And what a wake-up call it was.

Towards the end of April, my much loved gran in Scotland was living out her last days. My sister Katy was giving me bulletins every day and I was waiting for news of her final passing. Life was sharp. My heart was so open. Contrastingly, I was experiencing impossibly crossed wires with a new man I was dating and decided to finish it. The night I told him and left, he fell off his steep garden terrace and was hospitalized with a broken back. I was shocked into further acute awake-ness.

That same week – intuitively picking up on what was about to happen, I’m sure – Sebastian was on the phone from London asking for one last chance. For the first and last time, I said, “No,” properly. It was after the sweat lodge prayer and I was crystal clear. Now I was truly free from any involvement whatsoever. I was free to pay attention where it was due.

On the Tuesday, I arrived for a session of Resonance Repatterning with my friend Christina. I had booked the session a week before to help with my relationship with Jamie, but there was something else on the menu. It soon emerged that the key theme I was ready to explore was meeting the right partner. In the session, Christina revealed to me that I held the unconscious belief that, “I could never find a partner that could meet me on all levels.” This was a core reason I had been compromising myself in other relationships. She worked with me over two hours to shift this belief, and, three days later…

Pat was covering Ann’s child-minding shift that day and we were looking after the boys together in the school yard. It was the first chance Pat and I had to really talk. I told him about my recent breakup. Knowing a bit about me by now, Pat commented that it is very difficult to have a relationship with someone who is not spiritual if you are yourself. I liked him. I liked the way he sprawled wide-legged on some rocks on the edge of the playground, looking like a cowboy from the American Wild West.

Although I didn’t know why, I agreed that I might meet Pat for a drink that night. I was feeling incredibly sensitive and antisocial and a pub is the last place I’d go at the best of times, but something led me into the Sea Trout Inn.

The Sea Trout was Pat’s regular drinking hole, just a stone’s throw from the cottage Jamie and I were living in. I laid aside my puritanical Buddhist prejudices and was pleasantly surprised by the level of meaningful communication happening among the public bar locals. Pat was typically animated and in full flood; “Yah gotta get outta yar head and intta yar heart,” he was insisting. He sounded like a cowboy too, or maybe one of those charismatic American preachers.

“A bit full on,” I thought to myself, but I was intrigued. And then, suddenly, in the middle of all the passionate discussion, Pat and I paused and gazed intently upon each other. “I… see… you… ” he said, slowly and knowingly. “I see you too,” I replied with equal gravitas. (Note: this was years before the film Avatar came out, where, as the film’s theme song I See You suggests, they look into one another’s souls and say those very words to each other.)

In that moment, we did indeed truly see one another. It was like a lightning flash had struck and lit up the entire vast landscape of who we were. The moment returned to darkness, but the flash revealed something forever. In that moment I realized that I recognized Pat, that I knew him, and with that knowledge was the deepest trust and truest love.

We parted in the car park with us both feeling somewhat stunned. “I lo… lo… lo…” Pat stammered. He seemed to be saying something and stuffing it back into his mouth at the same time. He looked as perplexed as I felt. Was he trying to resist saying that he LOVES me? Surely not?

I went back to the cottage and received the news that Gran had just passed away. Dear Gran. Dear kind, loving, strong, simple, generous, understanding, feisty, affectionate Gran. My spirit couldn’t help but elevate to commune with her and God and the afterlife and all of that other indescribable stuff that these words just do not do justice to. Her love and essence were filling the skies and I just had to fly with her for a while.

As if in a dream, I found myself popping into the Sea Trout at Sunday lunchtime to find Pat. It was completely unplanned. All of a sudden I was there inviting him to take a walk on the moors with me. We talked about Gran and meditation. Sitting by a pool, he told me he would have loved to study psychology if he had ever been able to. I told him that psychology had been my main subject at university. Without thinking about it, I took his hand as we walked back to the car. It was as though a greater force was acting through me. I certainly didn’t have the wherewithal to acknowledge what was going on, or make any judgments with my head. I was in the spontaneous and innocent world of my heart alright.

We shared our first kiss in the Sea Trout car park the next evening. I was preparing to go to Gran’s funeral later that week.  “Come… Back… To… Me…” Pat said plainly. I’d already explained that I had a few romantic loose ends to tie up and couldn’t promise anything. “Take whatever time you need,” he replied.

The day before I flew to Scotland, he appeared in the school playground at pick-up time. Pressing a rose quartz crystal into my hand (which signifies love), he wished me well on my trip. Keen interest and support, understanding and freedom; this was a recipe for love. I recognized these qualities from my ideal man list. It took me another couple of weeks to fully absorb the significance of what was occurring, but in the aftermath of Gran’s funeral, it was a simple and inevitable fact that we would be together. “Shall we love each other, then?” Pat had asked after an evening of endless, sublime kissing. I nodded, but it didn’t really need an answer.

I had never experienced anything like it. There was no posturing or trying to impress each other and no attempts to hide our less favorable attributes; we were just relaxed and unselfconscious with each other from the very beginning. And there was no question about whether or not we would be together; no pushpull fear of rejection or of being overwhelmed, no insecurity whatsoever. Likewise, there was no great destabilizing intoxication. The feelings were immediate and profound, but our heads were clear and our feet were on the ground. It was so straightforward – complete harmony, complete certainty – and left nothing to negotiate.

Less than a year and a half later, we were married.

Preparing for Divine Relationship

As I was to discover, Pat had also prepared well for the arrival of what he called a ‘divine relationship’ in his life. A longtime meditator like me, Pat had worked through all the issues raised by previous relationships. He particularly practiced forgiveness (including forgiving himself) and was unusually clear, more so than me, of the sort of relationship backlog that we often carry into future relationships (which we then mess up because we are relating to ghosts instead of the person with us now).

He had also used a specific manifestation meditation to call his vision of a relationship into being. Popularized and taught by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer in the 1990s (having been asked to teach it by the Indian guru, Dr. Pillai), this practice brings together the power of the chakras (energy centers), the voice and creative visualization. I call it the Ah/Om or manifestation meditation. Most importantly of all, perhaps, Pat adopted an attitude that he referred to as “100% intention with 100% surrender”. Although he was very clear about the partner he sought and would not compromise with less, he was also prepared for it not to happen and would be genuinely happy to stay alone should he not find his match.

This is the fine and paradoxical art of being open to one’s aspirations and creative possibilities while at the same time being fluid with our expectations. Many people either do not let themselves dream through fear of not succeeding or strangle their dreams by having too much at stake and are therefore too desperate for them to come true. Often we do not let ourselves aspire by assuming we won’t succeed, ‘can’t have’, or corrupt our aspirations into egotistical ambitions by having too much self-worth at stake if they flounder, ‘must have’. Either way, it betrays a lack of selfknowledge and self-belief.

When we see ourselves clearly and believe in ourselves, we do not need to push things away or grab things towards us to shore up a hollow sense of ourselves. We can allow things to be what they are, free from what we have invested in them. In this freedom we can experience the natural flow of coming and going, and somewhat magically, all our true needs are satisfied in a state of ‘havingness’.

Before my Resonance Repatterning session, I did not believe that I could find a partner who  could meet me on all levels. So it was very unlikely that I would attract that sort of relationship. Pat certainly can meet me on all levels. This relationship is easily the most satisfying and stimulating either of us has ever known on the domestic, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual levels. It is grounded and it is sacred. We are plumbing depths and scaling heights together that would have been hard to access alone.

A few years after we met, I came across the description of the ideal partner I wrote all that time ago. As Pat and I reread it together, I was filled with a strange, joyful realization. The man who those words described was now nuzzling my neck, sharing my life and my deepest aspirations. It is amazing what we can magnetize into our lives with clear intention and positivity. Now I understand a little more about those compelling forces that brought me to Devon.

Meeting My Match

At first I didn’t realize I had met him. As far as I was concerned, this ‘Pat’ guy was just a housemate of a friend I had gotten to know at Jamie’s school. Ann and I used to hang out at each other’s houses while our boys played together. So my first few meetings with Pat were incidental – brief interactions during a flurry of noisy, stampeding boys needing after school snacks. I was in ‘mum mode’ and, anyway, I had a background distraction still rolling with one man or another I was half involved with. I wasn’t paying attention where it was due. It took me a further couple of months to wake up. And what a wake-up call it was.

Towards the end of April, my much loved gran in Scotland was living out her last days. My sister Katy was giving me bulletins every day and I was waiting for news of her final passing. Life was sharp. My heart was so open. Contrastingly, I was experiencing impossibly crossed wires with a new man I was dating and decided to finish it. The night I told him and left, he fell off his steep garden terrace and was hospitalized with a broken back. I was shocked into further acute awake-ness.

That same week – intuitively picking up on what was about to happen, I’m sure – Sebastian was on the phone from London asking for one last chance. For the first and last time, I said, “No,” properly. It was after the sweat lodge prayer and I was crystal clear. Now I was truly free from any involvement whatsoever. I was free to pay attention where it was due.

On the Tuesday, I arrived for a session of Resonance Repatterning with my friend Christina. I had booked the session a week before to help with my relationship with Jamie, but there was something else on the menu. It soon emerged that the key theme I was ready to explore was meeting the right partner. In the session, Christina revealed to me that I held the unconscious belief that, “I could never find a partner that could meet me on all levels.” This was a core reason I had been compromising myself in other relationships. She worked with me over two hours to shift this belief, and, three days later…

Pat was covering Ann’s child-minding shift that day and we were looking after the boys together in the school yard. It was the first chance Pat and I had to really talk. I told him about my recent breakup. Knowing a bit about me by now, Pat commented that it is very difficult to have a relationship with someone who is not spiritual if you are yourself. I liked him. I liked the way he sprawled wide-legged on some rocks on the edge of the playground, looking like a cowboy from the American Wild West.

Although I didn’t know why, I agreed that I might meet Pat for a drink that night. I was feeling incredibly sensitive and antisocial and a pub is the last place I’d go at the best of times, but something led me into the Sea Trout Inn.

The Sea Trout was Pat’s regular drinking hole, just a stone’s throw from the cottage Jamie and I were living in. I laid aside my puritanical Buddhist prejudices and was pleasantly surprised by the level of meaningful communication happening among the public bar locals. Pat was typically animated and in full flood; “Yah gotta get outta yar head and intta yar heart,” he was insisting. He sounded like a cowboy too, or maybe one of those charismatic American preachers.

“A bit full on,” I thought to myself, but I was intrigued. And then, suddenly, in the middle of all the passionate discussion, Pat and I paused and gazed intently upon each other. “I… see… you… ” he said, slowly and knowingly. “I see you too,” I replied with equal gravitas. (Note: this was years before the film Avatar came out, where, as the film’s theme song I See You suggests, they look into one another’s souls and say those very words to each other.)

In that moment, we did indeed truly see one another. It was like a lightning flash had struck and lit up the entire vast landscape of who we were. The moment returned to darkness, but the flash revealed something forever. In that moment I realized that I recognized Pat, that I knew him, and with that knowledge was the deepest trust and truest love.

We parted in the car park with us both feeling somewhat stunned. “I lo… lo… lo…” Pat stammered. He seemed to be saying something and stuffing it back into his mouth at the same time. He looked as perplexed as I felt. Was he trying to resist saying that he LOVES me? Surely not?

I went back to the cottage and received the news that Gran had just passed away. Dear Gran. Dear kind, loving, strong, simple, generous, understanding, feisty, affectionate Gran. My spirit couldn’t help but elevate to commune with her and God and the afterlife and all of that other indescribable stuff that these words just do not do justice to. Her love and essence were filling the skies and I just had to fly with her for a while.

As if in a dream, I found myself popping into the Sea Trout at Sunday lunchtime to find Pat. It was completely unplanned. All of a sudden I was there inviting him to take a walk on the moors with me. We talked about Gran and meditation. Sitting by a pool, he told me he would have loved to study psychology if he had ever been able to. I told him that psychology had been my main subject at university. Without thinking about it, I took his hand as we walked back to the car. It was as though a greater force was acting through me. I certainly didn’t have the wherewithal to acknowledge what was going on, or make any judgments with my head. I was in the spontaneous and innocent world of my heart alright.

We shared our first kiss in the Sea Trout car park the next evening. I was preparing to go to Gran’s funeral later that week.  “Come… Back… To… Me…” Pat said plainly. I’d already explained that I had a few romantic loose ends to tie up and couldn’t promise anything. “Take whatever time you need,” he replied.

The day before I flew to Scotland, he appeared in the school playground at pick-up time. Pressing a rose quartz crystal into my hand (which signifies love), he wished me well on my trip. Keen interest and support, understanding and freedom; this was a recipe for love. I recognized these qualities from my ideal man list. It took me another couple of weeks to fully absorb the significance of what was occurring, but in the aftermath of Gran’s funeral, it was a simple and inevitable fact that we would be together. “Shall we love each other, then?” Pat had asked after an evening of endless, sublime kissing. I nodded, but it didn’t really need an answer.

I had never experienced anything like it. There was no posturing or trying to impress each other and no attempts to hide our less favorable attributes; we were just relaxed and unselfconscious with each other from the very beginning. And there was no question about whether or not we would be together; no pushpull fear of rejection or of being overwhelmed, no insecurity whatsoever. Likewise, there was no great destabilizing intoxication. The feelings were immediate and profound, but our heads were clear and our feet were on the ground. It was so straightforward – complete harmony, complete certainty – and left nothing to negotiate.

Less than a year and a half later, we were married.

Preparing for Divine Relationship

As I was to discover, Pat had also prepared well for the arrival of what he called a ‘divine relationship’ in his life. A longtime meditator like me, Pat had worked through all the issues raised by previous relationships. He particularly practiced forgiveness (including forgiving himself) and was unusually clear, more so than me, of the sort of relationship backlog that we often carry into future relationships (which we then mess up because we are relating to ghosts instead of the person with us now).

He had also used a specific manifestation meditation to call his vision of a relationship into being. Popularized and taught by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer in the 1990s (having been asked to teach it by the Indian guru, Dr. Pillai), this practice brings together the power of the chakras (energy centers), the voice and creative visualization. I call it the Ah/Om or manifestation meditation. Most importantly of all, perhaps, Pat adopted an attitude that he referred to as “100% intention with 100% surrender”. Although he was very clear about the partner he sought and would not compromise with less, he was also prepared for it not to happen and would be genuinely happy to stay alone should he not find his match.

This is the fine and paradoxical art of being open to one’s aspirations and creative possibilities while at the same time being fluid with our expectations. Many people either do not let themselves dream through fear of not succeeding or strangle their dreams by having too much at stake and are therefore too desperate for them to come true. Often we do not let ourselves aspire by assuming we won’t succeed, ‘can’t have’, or corrupt our aspirations into egotistical ambitions by having too much self-worth at stake if they flounder, ‘must have’. Either way, it betrays a lack of selfknowledge and self-belief.

When we see ourselves clearly and believe in ourselves, we do not need to push things away or grab things towards us to shore up a hollow sense of ourselves. We can allow things to be what they are, free from what we have invested in them. In this freedom we can experience the natural flow of coming and going, and somewhat magically, all our true needs are satisfied in a state of ‘havingness’.

Before my Resonance Repatterning session, I did not believe that I could find a partner who  could meet me on all levels. So it was very unlikely that I would attract that sort of relationship. Pat certainly can meet me on all levels. This relationship is easily the most satisfying and stimulating either of us has ever known on the domestic, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual levels. It is grounded and it is sacred. We are plumbing depths and scaling heights together that would have been hard to access alone.

A few years after we met, I came across the description of the ideal partner I wrote all that time ago. As Pat and I reread it together, I was filled with a strange, joyful realization. The man who those words described was now nuzzling my neck, sharing my life and my deepest aspirations. It is amazing what we can magnetize into our lives with clear intention and positivity. Now I understand a little more about those compelling forces that brought me to Devon.

Maggie Kay

Maggie Kay

Maggie Kay is an inspirational coach and founder of Thrivecraft and the Thrivecraft Academy.

Known as the Inner Wisdom Coach and formerly an ordained Buddhist, Maggie specialises in meditation, mindfulness, law of attraction, metaphysics and spiritual intelligence for life, love and business.

As well as coaching one-to-one, she trains accredited Thrivecraft life coaches and meditation teachers and runs retreats and workshops for soulful entrepreneurs, coaches and well being professionals.

In 2016, with her son Jamie grown up, Maggie established Thrivecraft Home Hub, a riverside country retreat in Cornwall, UK, where she lives with her soul mate husband, Patrick.

Her new book – Diving for Pearls: A Wise Woman's Guide to Finding Love (O Books) – is a highly readable true love and spiritual adventure story laced with tips and teachings on meditation, Buddhism, inner wisdom and relationships relevant to all.

Maggie's vision for the future includes taking Thrivecraft worldwide via a new online academy; continuing to mentor coaches, well-being professionals and meditation teachers to grow and prosper their businesses; producing audios of her full range of guided meditations; and writing further books to inspire and support everyone to create rich, happy and fulfilling lives. 

Buy Diving for Pearls on Amazon.

Thrivecraft with Maggie  Kay

Wisdom.  Inspiration.  Self-belief.

 

 
Maggie Kay

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