Diving for Pearls with Maggie Kay
The Treasure of Truth
Cleaning Up the Mess
After all the moves and changes I felt exhausted, disorientated and insecure. I missed Colin’s companionship and my relationship with Sebastian took a different turn now that I was a properly available. It became apparent that this highly charged relationship was severely limited. Sebastian was nowhere near capable of partnering me in the ways that Colin had been. The ensuing fights were just as furious as our loving, and my hysterical reactions shocked me. I really had taken the lid off of my raw emotions in recent months, and there was much to be understood and integrated.
Fortunately, I was well resourced with meditation, 5Rhythms and psycho-synthesis counseling. I also had my amazing friends and family standing by, including Colin who proved once again what a decent guy he is. Knowing ‘the only way out is through’, I dived deeply into my inner world and embarked upon a healing journey. The grief was immense – perhaps catching up with a lifetime of loss and separation – and many a day I sat before my meditation altar bawling my eyes out.
In one meditation, I ‘saw’ the grief and loss being experienced by millions of ordinary people throughout the world every day just like me. The immensity of this threatened to tear me apart, but I couldn’t hold it at bay. My heart and soul shattered and was replaced by the most exquisite, compassionate solidarity with every single living being in the universe. It was one of those moments that changed me forever.
Finding Myself Again
Somehow, that moment helped me turn a corner, and oh so slowly, I began to reconstruct. I let go of trying to make a partner out of Sebastian and, after a failed job interview back in the ‘normal’ world, of getting my working life back together just yet.
If I was honest, I was still exhausted and didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to do next. Crucially, I gave myself permission to stop, and not know, and just BE for a while. There was only one thing I felt capable of doing apart from looking after Jamie, and that was volunteering to teach a lunchtime meditation class at the Buddhist Centre one day a week. That simple oasis of gentle giving proved to be my salvation. While dwelling there, I rebuilt y self-esteem and innocently sowed the seeds of the beautiful, fruitful life that was to follow.
It took me about a year to figure out what next. I didn’t push it, just stayed with what felt okay, even if I didn’t understand why. As well as the meditation class, I eventually did some consultancy work with a colleague’s community development agency a day or two a week. I carried on dancing and hung looser to my Buddhist commitments. That was plenty.
During that time, the inspiration to move to Devon – a rural county in the southwest tip of England – started to murmur within me. I had recently visited Devon’s charming market town of Totnes to attend 5Rhythms workshops. Soon afterwards, Susanne (my close friend I’d worked with in Phoenix Housing Co-op) moved to Totnes having also gotten into 5Rhythms and met her new partner there. I was captivated by this ‘funky, alternative capital of the UK’ and all the fascinating things that were going on.
The countryside in Devon was simply stunning. What a great place for Jamie to grow up. Colin and I at once discovered that there was one place in the whole of the UK apart from London where we would both be happy to live – Devon. This was a vital part of the equation now, as there was no way I wanted to put distance between Jamie and his beloved, hands-on, doting dad. And so when Colin indicated that he was willing to move to Devon too, it was game on.
And so we moved to Totnes, Colin and I living near each other and continuing to co-parent Jamie between us. The first year was demanding, emotional and unsettling, especially for Jamie, but it was also an exhilarating adventure and obviously the right move.
A whole new life started to be created there with amazing new friends and colleagues. And it wasn’t long until we had more local family living close by as both my sister Katy and Colin’s mum and dad relocated to Devon too.
Truth Sets You Free
So, in answer to myself and all my concerned friends and family who once wondered if splitting up with Colin was worth ‘wrecking a family’ for, it has proved to be a great big “YES!” The family has not been wrecked, it’s just that part of it has been dismantled so that a bigger, better family could be reconstructed on stronger, truer foundations. It took me a few years of periodic, low-level guilt to be absolutely convinced of that. But it was finally dispersed a year or so after moving to Devon when Colin and I had a big heart to heart. Enough time had gone by for us to be able to really see that our split had been the right thing, not just for us but for Jamie too.
Okay, we did not manage to stay together in one household, but we have taught Jamie the greater value of honesty, courage and truth in relationships. Each of us has become more ourselves – more expressive, more creative and more fulfilled – and Jamie now has the benefit of both his dad and all his extended family.
Plus, crucially, a mum that is alive to herself on all levels. It is said that we teach more to our kids by example than by any other means. If my choices and actions have helped instill in Jamie the permission to be fully himself, follow his heart and not to compromise in what he wants from life, then I consider my job as a parent well done. The stakes are sometimes high, but the truth will set you free. We can always rely on that.
Known as the Inner Wisdom Coach and formerly an ordained Buddhist, Maggie specialises in meditation, mindfulness, law of attraction, metaphysics and spiritual intelligence for life, love and business.
As well as coaching one-to-one, she trains accredited Thrivecraft life coaches and meditation teachers and runs retreats and workshops for soulful entrepreneurs, coaches and well being professionals.
In 2016, with her son Jamie grown up, Maggie established Thrivecraft Home Hub, a riverside country retreat in Cornwall, UK, where she lives with her soul mate husband, Patrick.
Her new book – Diving for Pearls: A Wise Woman's Guide to Finding Love (O Books) – is a highly readable true love and spiritual adventure story laced with tips and teachings on meditation, Buddhism, inner wisdom and relationships relevant to all.
Maggie's vision for the future includes taking Thrivecraft worldwide via a new online academy; continuing to mentor coaches, well-being professionals and meditation teachers to grow and prosper their businesses; producing audios of her full range of guided meditations; and writing further books to inspire and support everyone to create rich, happy and fulfilling lives.
Buy Diving for Pearls on Amazon.
Thrivecraft with Maggie Kay
Wisdom. Inspiration. Self-belief.